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A Little Girl’s Dream

I can’t remember if it was my eighth, ninth, or tenth birthday (mom, you would probably remember); but I do know I was dreaming of a special gift.

I was hoping and wishing that I would get a dollhouse for my birthday.
And not just any dollhouse, but Dream Dollhouse.

You have to understand, Dream Dollhouse was exactly true to it’s name, it was a little girl’s dream.
You see, I already had the family: the dad & mom, 2 daughters, 1 son, a set of twin babies, and the babysitter.
I had the perfect family.
But they lacked one thing – a real home.
I made all sorts of pretend houses out of blocks. I would create my own house designs and fill each room with furniture and scraps of clothes for bedding and curtains.
But who was I kidding? That’s wasn’t real.
They needed a house – a dream house.
Dream Dollhouse was perfect. It was pink, white, and light blue. It had multiple porches and it was three stories. It was just the right size for my family.
I hoped I would get it on my birthday.
My mom always made a big deal out of birthdays when we were little. This birthday was no exception. I don’t remember all that we did, but it was a special day.
When it was time to open presents, I noticed that there were no big packages on the kitchen table.
Maybe it was hidden in the next room and my dad was going to bring it out and yell, “Surprise, GraceAnna, here is your Dream Dollhouse that I bought you!”

After opening each gift, I reached for the last one from my mom and dad. It was small. I unwrapped it carefully.
It was a beautiful . . . teapot.
I collected teapots back then. I’m not quite sure how that got started, but I thought it was pretty cool. I mean, what little girl doesn’t like to dress up and have tea parties?

But I had my heart set on something else.
I tried to sound thankful. I told my parents that I loved it.
As soon as we had picked up all the wrappings, I went upstairs to my room. I laid on my bed and tried not to be disappointed.
But I was very disappointed.
…Let me just say here parenthetically, I know I’m looking pretty spoiled in this story. And I’m just going to admit it, I was. I grew up in America.

Back to the story…

Not too much time had passed before my mom came upstairs. She sat down on the bed next to me, “GraceAnna, what’s wrong? Don’t you like the teapot we gave you?”

That’s all it took. I burst into tears. I told my mom everything. I told her how I had been dreaming of the one and only perfect house. I told her that I knew I shouldn’t be disappointed, but I just couldn’t help it.
I don’t remember everything my mom said, but I do remember her saying that they didn’t realize how much I wanted the dollhouse, and that maybe it could be a Christmas present.
After our conversation, I felt so much better.
Even though I still didn’t have my Dream Dollhouse, I had shared what was so heavy on my heart. Everything would be okay.
Fast forward 15ish years.

Yesterday it was my birthday again. I didn’t have any particular “wish” for my birthday. The only thing I really wanted was to spend the day with Grant. He works such long hours, six days a week, and I miss him.
And God gave me that wish. Grant got the day off.
He took me downtown and did a very self-sacrificing thing – he took me to a girly restaurant, and went into girly shops.
We went down to the park and talked about all that God has given us – each-other, our house in Beaufort, and our little girl on the way.
As we sat and talked, and I looked at him, I remembered the dollhouse. It was my birthday dream. It was a little girl’s dream.
But now, as I turn twenty-five, I realize God has given me so much more than I ever could have wished for as a little girl. He’s given me eternal life, a home in heaven, and then on top of all that, he gave me my own family.
This is not a dream, this is real.
Romans 5 says,
“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. . . and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (vs. 1-2,5)
No matter where we are in life, no matter how hard (see verses 3-4 of that same passage), or how good, God has not disappointed us.
He’s given us more than we could ever dream of.
Now I know you might be wondering if I ever got my Dream Dollhouse.
Well, let me tell you…
My mom got it out of the attic a few weeks ago.
It’s already in our little girl’s room upstairs.
And I know, I just know, she’s going to love it.
Posted on by castleberryhearts · 1 Comment

Sunrises and Sunsets

I really love this time of year. I love the change from summer to fall. Really, I just love it. I always have.

Grant and I were in Yuma last year, and there was no fall, so I feel like I am enjoying it anew this year.

I went for a run this morning. I didn’t want to get out of bed to go, but after a long debate with the alarm clock, I got up and got out. As I stepped out on the screen porch, I was immediately greeted by the cool, fall air, and I was so glad I got up.
It was still kind of dreary as I ran down our street; but when I turned the corner, I saw the sun rising over the water. The sun lit up everything, and I immediately felt warmer. And then, in the marsh grass, I saw a deer walking towards me.
I stopped running and stood still to watch her. Her hide matched the marsh grass perfectly and I was surprised that I had spotted her. She continued to walk in my direction through the mud and reeds.
I stared at her, the marsh, and the sun, trying to take in the beauty of the morning.
Suddenly, I saw her look up, stop still, and stare at me. I was caught.
I heard runners coming up behind me and I knew it was time to get going.
As I reached the dock in our neighborhood and starting stretching, I began to think about Grant’s lesson from this past week in Sunday School.
Grant talked about how our knowledge of certain subjects is able to grow based on how well we diligently study.
For example, you can learn as much or as little about Algebra based on how well you apply yourself (and your mental capacity, I suppose). Yes, it may be complicated, but the extent on how well you know Algebra is based on your own study of it, and nothing else.
But with God, it’s much different. We are only able to know God by what He has chosen to reveal to us about Himself. As we open and read Scripture, God shows us who He is. Through His Word, He opens up His heart to us, and as we apply our minds to what He has revealed, our knowledge of Him grows deeper.
One of the ways God has revealed Himself to us is through creation. And because God has given us His Word, we are able to interpret and understand the world He created.

Grant talked about how sunrises and sunsets display God’s glory and His character. If I am seeing God behind every sunrise and sunset, my joy in these things is only going to increase over time. I am not finding my satisfaction in the sunrise alone, the sunrise is only the means to enjoying God.
As my understanding and love of God grows, so should my joy in sunrises and sunsets.
I thought about this on my run because as a little girl I always loved this time of year.
But too often, important things that we love as children get overlooked as we become adults. They just aren’t as interesting to us anymore.
But this shouldn’t be true for Christians. Each year our love for God should grow, and so should our enjoyment of the world He created.
We should love the change in the weather, the sunrises, and the sunsets, because our love for the God who made them has grown since the year before.
So, as I made my way back home, I thanked God for being the Creator of the morning, the sunrise, the marsh grass, and my deer friend.
And I hope that on my next run, I’ll enjoy it even more.
Psalm 65:8-13
Praise is due to you, O God . . .
those who dwell at the ends of the earth are in awe at your signs.
You make the going out of the morning and the evening to shout for joy.

You visit the earth and water it;
you greatly enrich it;
the river of God is full of water;
you provide their grain,
for so you have prepared it.
You water its furrows abundantly,
settling its ridges,
softening it with showers,
and blessing its growth.
You crown the year with your bounty;
your wagon tracks overflow with abundance.
The pastures of the wilderness overflow,
the hills gird themselves with joy,
the meadows clothe themselves with flocks,
the valleys deck themselves with grain,
they shout and sing together for joy.

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A Photograph

I was 17 years old. I sat in a lawn chair that I had pulled down from the deck in our backyard. I sat facing the river and marsh. I had a copy of Elisabeth Elliot’s book, Shadow of the Almighty.
In the first few pages of the book, Elisabeth Elliot talks about how Christians today have a great lack of spiritual heroes.
When you ask the average young person (who is a Christian), to list their heroes, sadly, very few have a list of men and women of faith.
I remember Elisabeth talking about the great need for Christians to have heroes in the faith. Those whom we not only respect, but we want to be like. And how having heroes is so necessary for spiritual growth.
I sat in the yard that afternoon, and I thought about who my spiritual heroes were. I even made a list. That list included my parents and a couple older and wiser friends, several pastors and teachers, and a few of my favorite Biblical heroes. I listed out different character qualities that made me want to be like those people.
As I think back on the past 10 years of my life since that day, I know that having those spiritual heroes has helped to shape me into the person I am today.
I was thinking about spiritual heroes this past week because it was the anniversary of the death of Grant’s father, Kelly. Without a doubt, Kelly Castleberry is one of Grant’s greatest heroes (along with the father who raised him, Preston. Preston is the man whom his mother married 4 years after Kelly died).
There is a picture in our hallway upstairs that is a testimony to the heroism that Kelly holds in Grant’s life. Let me tell you the story behind it:
Kelly was a F-4 pilot in the Marine Corps. One weekend his squadron had a mandatory function at a beach house in N.C. The pilots were told not to bring their wives because they would be receiving their call signs (a nickname given to a military pilot).
 
When Kelly arrived home to Grant’s mom after the weekend was over, he was noticeably upset. Susan asked him what was wrong. Kelly went on to explain how awful the function was. The function turned wild, and unbeknownst to him, strippers were brought into the party to perform. Susan asked him what he did. Kelly went on to explain that since he couldn’t leave since it was a mandatory function, he sat in one corner of the room all evening with his hand over his eyes.
 
“Seriously… that’s what you did?” Susan asked unable to believe that he was able to do that in a crowded party with so much temptation. “Yes,” Kelly replied.
 
After Kelly’s death, someone gave Grant’s mom a photograph. In the photograph you can see Kelly at the party. While you can’t see the strippers, you can see Kelly in the back of the room, his hand over his eyes.
 
That photograph sat on Grant’s desk all throughout high school. It meant the world to Grant.
 
It reminded Grant daily, that just like his father, he must stand for Christ. And now, every time I go upstairs, it reminds me too.
 
Hebrews 13:7 says,
 
“Remember those who led you, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith.”
 
We need spiritual heroes.
 
But of course, our greatest hero is not a person. If we idolize one single person, they will inevitably let us down. After all, they are sinners just like we are.
 
But we do have One who is a perfect spiritual hero. One that we can follow completely and wholeheartedly.
 
“Let us run with endurance the race set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. (Heb. 12:1-2)
 
I’m thankful this week for those who have led me, taught me, and been godly examples in my life. I’m thankful for photographs, notes, godly wisdom, prayers, and encouragement from godly family and friends.
 
My list of heroes hasn’t changed since that day in my parent’s backyard when I was 17, but it has grown.
 
And most of all, I’m thankful that those people have pointed me to my greatest hero, Jesus Christ.
 
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God As a Perfect Father

I love hearing Grant preach. This is a sermon that he gave when he was a sophomore in college. One of the things that I love about Grant is how genuine his heart is for Christ. I feel like that always comes through, especially when he gives a talk or preaches.
I love this sermon because it reminds me that God is my perfect Father, and that He truly cares about my life. I think Grant has a unique perspective on this because of the time in his life when he was fatherless.
(note – I had to convert this audio file to a video file to post it on my blog. That’s why there’s a random pic at the beginning and about 10 sec of silence 🙂 )
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These Days

I’m learning a lot about the Marine Corps and what it means on a daily basis for Grant and me. I think somehow, since we got married, I’ve been looking for the loopholes in Grant’s job. I think things like, well if Grant gets stationed here, than maybe they won’t send him to Afghanistan. I am often playing little scenarios in my mind of how we can get more time together, or how his job is going to look over the next year, etc.

But I’m learning more and more that I just can’t play those games. If Grant calls me and tells me he thinks he might be home for dinner, I have to take it totally as a “might” and be ready to re-warm dinner at 9:30pm. If Grant gets a call the night before that says he has to be at work at 3am, I can’t fight that, it’s necessary.
I watched my husband work 18 hour days last week without a single word of complaint. I watched him sacrifice the thing he loves most – studying God’s Word – for making sure our future military is strong.
I often feel my own heart thinking things like, “Why is the Marine Corps so tough?” “Why do they do this to people?”
But then I remember that it has to be tough. These men who serve are strong for a reason. They are ready to defend America. Not everyone is willing to do something like that.
When Grant and I were dating, I asked him why he joined the Marine Corps. He told me that he felt an obligation as an American to give back to his country and to help defend the freedom that he so freely enjoys.
There aren’t a whole lot of young people saying that kind of thing these days.
This morning, Grant left early. Being the amazing wife that I am, I didn’t hear the alarm clock and woke up only as he kissed me good-bye.
About an hour or so later, I got a phone call in the dark. “GraceAnna,” Grant whispered, “I hate to tell you this, but I forgot my combat boots this morning and I need you to bring them to me.“
I wanted to roll over in bed and pretend that I was dreaming. Instead I said, “Are you sure that you are missing them?” Even though I knew full well that he was.
I got out of bed and went to the closet and pulled out his enormous boots. I remember asking Grant one day, “Why do you have to wear these gigantic things? It’s not like you are going to battle today!” Grant responded, “We always have to be ready.”

I drove onto Parris Island, and I saw Marines everywhere in the dawn light. Some were recruits, some were men who chose to enlist, and some were officers. I suddenly felt silly for feeling so tired. I felt silly for playing all my little scenario games.
I pulled into the parking lot where Grant was. He bounded up in his green shorts and his Series Commander PT shirt with a huge grin on his face.
“Thank you GraceAnna, you saved my life!”
As I pulled away, I thought, “No, thanks for saving mine.”


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Make My Life A Prayer


Make My Life A Prayer
(sung at our wedding ceremony – Aug. 22, 2009.
I had this song written in the front cover of my Bible in college. Grant used to listen to it often in high school as a prayer to the Lord.)

I make my life a prayer to You,
I want to do what you want me to,
No empty words and no white lies,
No token prayers, no compromise,
I want to shine the light you gave,
Through Your Son, you sent to save us,
From ourselves and our despair,
It comforts me to know You’re really there.

I want to die, and let You give,
Your life to me, so I might live,
And share the hope you gave to me,
The love that set me free,
I want to tell the world out there,
You’re not some fable or fairy tail,
That I made up inside my head,
You’re God, The Son, you’ve risen from the dead.

Oh, I want to thank You now,
For being patient with me,
Oh, it’s so hard to see,
When my eyes are on me,
I guess I’ll have to trust,
And just believe what you say,
Oh, You’re coming again,
Coming to take me away.

I want to die, and let you give,
Your life to me, so I might give,
And share the hope you gave to me,
I want to share the love that set me free.

(Keith Green)

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May It Be Said of Us

As I sat in the kitchen this morning having my quiet time, I tried to turn to the book of Ruth, and I sort of lost control of the massive study Bible Grant gave me. Instead of opening where I wanted it to, it opened to the cover page. There, I saw the letter Grant wrote me when he gave me the Bible for Christmas in 2008.

I hadn’t read the letter since he gave me the Bible, and I reread his words.
GraceAnna,

I noticed that one of the verses that you underlined (in your Bible) was Colossians 4:2-4. It reads, “Continue steadfastly in prayer being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the Word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison – that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak.”

(Grant went on to write about my time serving with Campus Crusade and how he was praying that these truths would become real in my life. I was still working at Duke at this time).
…I beg of you, to not grow cold in your faith and love for the Gospel! As your brother in Christ, and Lord willing, your future husband, I want you to know that I will encourage you every step of the way, and be praying for you, that your faith in Christ would be continually strengthened….

…I pray that at the end of the day, that 2 Timothy 4:7 may be said of us.

…be encouraged, because God is good and His love is overflowing.

~Grant

So, as I sat alone in the kitchen, listening to the hum of the dishwasher and the washing machine, my heart was encouraged. And I was reminded how much I need my husband. I was also reminded much we need others to encourage us in our walk of faith. We can’t do it alone.
And I do pray, that one day, 2 Timothy 4:7 would be said of us.
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New Respect

This post is for the moms. This post is for my mom. This is for all the moms out there that I know. I just want to say, I have a brand new respect for you! Of course, I’ve always respected you, but I’m just going to say it now – morning sickness (a term that is totally not descriptive of the sickness) is not fun.

This is not a post to complain, but to express my gratitude. So many of you have been so encouraging to me in the past two months. You’ve asked how I’ve been feeling, told me it’s normal, and that I will get through it. You can totally relate, and you know exactly what to say!

I realize that I’ve joined the club, the “selfless motherhood club” of dying to self for the joy of giving life (I don’t mean that I’ve always been selfless during the past couple months, but that I am learning firsthand what I already knew was a requirement).

(I just want to say here, that I have not been that sick, but just the normal sickness that comes with the first trimester).

And from what I know to be true from all the wonderful mothers I have seen, is that this is just the beginning of giving of myself for the amazing joy of bringing up and nurturing a little person.

So, that’s all I really want to say. Thanks for the sacrifice that you have made to give birth to all the little ones in your home.

Thank you to my mom for enduring months of bedrest, fear, and sickness in order to give birth to me.

And for those of you with daughters, one day, when your daughter is pregnant, she’ll thank you too.

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Biblical Bookshelf


Grant and I both love to read. Grant even more so than I do. No matter where we have lived (which is 3 places now in the short time we’ve been married), there have been a plethora of books on theology that he has had on hand. Right now I’m studying the book of John because Grant had a commentary on the book of John on his desk. I’ve read so many books that I probably never would have read if it were not for the fact that Grant basically carries a biblical library with him wherever he goes.

But there are lots of books that I like to read that Grant has never even attempted to read – it’s my own little library of books on biblical womanhood. I started it when I was 15 years old with Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. I have since read everything this woman has ever put in print, and outside of my mother, she has probably impacted me the most in regards to what it means to be a biblical woman. I think every Christian girl should have a biblical womanhood library. A collection of solid, theologically sound books that she can read often and lend to her friends.
I have been missing my books. They are all in storage. Here is a list of the ones that have impacted me the most (that I can remember off the top of my head).
A Woman After God’s Own Heart by Elizabeth George
Becoming God’s True Woman edited by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Choosing Gratitude by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Did I Kiss Marriage Good-bye? by Carolyn McCulley
Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney
Let Me Be a Woman by Elisabeth Elliot
Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Lies Young Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh
Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot
Radical Womanhood by Carolyn McCulley
So, one day when Grant is a pastor and has his glorious library of books, I am going to have a special bookshelf (maybe I’ll even paint it pink), of my own little library of books written by godly women who have impacted and shaped me.
Now if I can only get my mom to write a book 🙂